So, I think
I might have slightly, lost control of my life.
Woah. What.
Hahaha.
Yeah.
Now, what
do you mean? You’re what? Barely 16. What horrible problems could you ever
have?
WELL, I’M
GONNA TELL YA RIGHT NOW.
Disclaimer:
My life isn’t that bad. Others definitely
have it worse, etc. But I don’t care about the others. It’s me I’m worried
about. If I wasn’t, this wouldn’t exist. So deal with it.
Let’s flash
back to last year. I was hysterical half the time and depressed full time, all
the time. Everyone has different ways to deal with the sadness they feel. I do
it by distracting myself. It works. I let myself be distracted. It’s horrible. I
was honestly panicking all the time when I wasn’t distracted. I couldn’t study,
concentrate and could barely hold up relationships with friends and family. I
found it difficult to leave the bed, let alone text my friends back, or whatever
friends do together. I became more irritable with my parents and sibling. It
was all goin’ down hill. But I scraped through eventually.
But there’s
more. I resolved to pulling my shitz together this year. The exams that’ll
determine the rest of my life are coming. Either I pull my socks up or cut off
my feet. But the distraction thing. I’ve gotten so good at it, I can’t
concentrate anymore. And I’m only border-liningly exaggerating. I can’t even
bring myself to finish my homework. I can only bring myself to complete it when
it’s the hour before the dead line. And you know what, homework you’re suppose
to complete over the weekend can’t be done in 30 minutes. So, I don’t even hand
it up sometimes. I’m insane. I understand all the consequences, in fact, I’m
sure I’m exaggerating some in my mind. But I can’t bring myself to do them. I can’t
do anything. I can’t finish anything. I’m losing it.
I can’t
even bring myself to do the things I like anymore. I can’t read. I can’t watch
5 minutes of a youtube video. All I do is mope and daydream. I’m wasting my
life while ruining it at the same time.
I’m scared.
But I can’t
do anything about it. I’m wandering. And I’m really worried.
In fact, I
fell sick recently. And I’m suspecting it’s because I worried myself to sleep
to the point I couldn’t sleep for a couple hours and then wake up to a stomach
ache that led to a fever. How am I so effectively ruining myself? I missed so
many lessons because of my trip to Malaysia for Chinese New Year and now this.
I can’t. I feel so goddamn pathetic and useless.
I’m going
to try and set things straight.
So here’s a
promise:
ALL
HOMEWoRk MUST BE DONE THE NIGHT BEFORE THE DEADLINE.
Also, did I
mention my Common Test are next week? God, help me.
SO yeah, now panic.
